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Happy St. Patrick's Day! I thought I would give a little history lesson today. I never knew any of this myself, I just always dressed in green and watched people drink green beer and do crazy shit. So today, we're going to learn the history of St. Patrick's Day! This is very rough and all copied and pasted, but it gets the work done so read with an open mind.

The real St. Patrick wasn't even Irish. He was born in Britain around A.D. 390 to an aristocratic Christian family with a townhouse, a country villa, and plenty of slaves. What's more, Patrick professed no interest in Christianity as a young boy. At 16, Patrick's world turned: He was kidnapped and sent overseas to tend sheep as a slave in the chilly, mountainous countryside of Ireland for seven years. His time over there was very rough. One night, a voice came to Patrick in his dreams, telling him to escape. He found passage on a pirate ship back to Britain, where he was reunited with his family. The voice then told him to go back to Ireland. He got ordained as a priest from a bishop, and goes back and spends the rest of his life trying to convert the Irish to Christianity. Patrick's work in Ireland was tough—he was constantly beaten by thugs, harassed by the Irish royalty, and admonished by his British superiors. After he died on March 17, 461, Patrick was largely forgotten. But slowly, mythology grew around Patrick, and centuries later he was honored as the patron saint of Ireland.

According to St. Patrick's Day lore, Patrick used the three leaves of a shamrock to explain the Christian holy trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Another St. Patrick myth is the claim that he banished snakes from Ireland. It's true no snakes exist on the island today, but they never really did. Ireland, after all, is surrounded by icy ocean waters—much too cold to allow snakes to migrate from Britain or anywhere else. Since snakes often represent evil in literature when Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, it is symbolically saying he drove the old, evil, pagan ways out of Ireland and brought in a new age. The snake myth, the shamrock story, and other tales were likely spread by well-meaning monks centuries after St. Patrick's death.

St. Patrick's is now celebrated in America with many traditions. St. Patrick's Day was basically invented in America by Irish-Americans. Eighteenth-century Irish soldiers fighting with the British in the U.S. Revolutionary War held the first St. Patrick's Day parades. Some soldiers, for example, marched through New York City in 1762 to reconnect with their Irish roots. Other parades followed in the years and decades after, including well-known celebrations in Boston, Philadelphia, and Chicago, primarily in flourishing Irish immigrant communities. It became a way to honor the saint but also to confirm ethnic identity and to create bonds of solidarity. Sometime in the 19th century, as St. Patrick's Day parades were flourishing, wearing the color green became a show of commitment to Ireland as well. Drinking Guiness was also a tradition these immigrants and soldiers brought with them to America.

So there you have it. If it wasn't for those soldiers, we probably wouldn't give a shit about St. Patrick's' Day. Drink up!