See Saw

I freaking love Halloween. I’m a Halloween junky, which I find hilarious because I’m the biggest scaredy cat you will ever meet. My mom had to buy me a dream catcher because I used to have horrible nightmares and I would run into my parent’s room screaming. See? Scaredy cat. Horror movies are iffy. Some I can watch and be totally fine with and some I need to watch during the day followed by a Disney movie to ease the adrenaline. Like Quarantine for example. I saw that in the theatres opening day and that was a huge mistake. I was terrified for months. I’m still kind of terrified. But movies like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer are a breeze. Guys with hooks for hands and guys with masks, no big deal. Then, there are movie likes Saw. I can watch Saw, but I’m also scared of it. I can watch it because I don’t have a queasy stomach and the gore doesn’t bother me, but I’m scared to be in the dark because someone with a pig mask might jump out and get me and then I’ll wake up in a torture device I need to find my way out of. So, one part of me is scared because stuff like that could really happen, but I also think the movies are very well written and just kind of brilliant. Whoever came up with all the torture devices and the story behind the whole thing is kind of brilliant.

Saw, was just named the most successful horror movie of all time by the Guinness Book of World Records. When they say most successful, they’re talking about making the most money. So far, there have been 6 movies that have come out every Halloween since 2004 and number 7 will be the final movie and it will be released October 2010 in 3D. Count me out!!! Oh hell no. Can you imagine what my nightmares will be like then? Honestly, though a 3D horror movie is brilliant. That movie will bring in a lot of people. 3D is obviously popular and so are the Saw movies, so why not mash them together. Brilliant! If only I could come up with something like that. Did I mention it’s brilliant?

I’ve seen Saw 1-4 and I want to watch the rest just to see what happens so I will have to wait for the final movie to come out on DVD so I don’t have to watch it in 3D or in the theatres. For some reason horror movies are always scarier when watched in movie theatres. Luckily, I’ve only seen the Saw movies in the comfort of my home surrounded by pillows.

RAWR!!!!

Oy vey. I was never the biggest fan of Tyra Banks and after her most recent stunt; I don’t think that will ever change. In October of 2008, my friends and I decided to brave the movie Quarantine on opening night. Yeah, we knew it was a dumb idea, but we didn’t realize that until it was too late. We are all forever scared of rabies, especially in people. Well, the other day on the Tyra Banks show, which I thought was canceled long ago, she pretended to have rabies. She talks about how she was jogging and a dog bit her on the leg. She went to the hospital and told them the dog was foaming and it turned out the dog had rabies and she needed to get a shot, etc. She asks for some water and then she begins foaming at the mouth and suddenly turns into a dog… Now, why she thought turning into a dog was something that happens when humans have rabies is beyond me, but the fact that she pretended to have rabies in the first place, is just not ok with me. Not only because of my fears from Quarantine, but because her audience members were seriously worried about her. The looks on their faces is of concern. Why was her show never canceled?

Scary!

So as we all know it’s October and that means it’s time for horror movies. Time to sit in a theatre with a bunch of youths and jump when the music bumps and scream when scary shit happens. I know this; I did it last year with the movie Quarantine. My friends and I will never forget that movie as long as we live and therefore, I decided to buy it. Why not, I mean it was $10 and it’s like “our movie.” It was worth it to me. Rabies will never be the same.

So this Halloween, Saw is the movie that will haunt us. I talked about Saw a bit ago and how I can’t enter dark places because I fear someone in a pig mask is going to jump out at me and then I’m going to wake up with my eyes sewn shut or something and I will have to find my way out of where ever I am using only the sense of touch and there’s like rusty knives everywhere. Well now Universal has made that movie their Halloween Horror Nights theme. Oh hell no! If I can barely walk around in my own house, I am not going to walk through a maze where I can encounter his freaking doll and some of his favorite traps. Count me out! I used to work at Universal and I know how awesome their mazes can be.

Plus the new movie is coming out. Saw VI. How many of these movies are they going to make?!?! The killer man died in the third movie. What has been happening since he died? I don’t understand. I have seen all of the movies except for the last 2 because I’m a masochist. It terrifies me, but I’m so damn curious! I want to know who the hell is killing these people. And that voice, that voice haunts me. The voice of Jigsaw is on the commercial for Halloween Horror Nights and I pretty much pee myself every time it comes on the radio. I’m alone in the car hearing Jigsaw tell me he wants me to understand the quality of life so he’s going to put me in a trap and show me. I bet you’re peeing right now because I am!

Anyway, Halloween brings some scary ass movies. I’m sure I will see Saw VI at some point just because that’s what I do. I will more than likely wait until it comes to a Blockbuster near me because Quarantine in the theatres was the most terrifying night of my life. There is no where to retreat. You can’t hit pause and you have to watch. Horror movies are best watched during the day with all the lights on and a Disney movie ready to watch after.